“There is always something.”
Especially at this time of the year, but let’s be honest, as parents there is always something most times of the year.
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The child who gets sick and has to stay at home,
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The “Spirit Week” at school that lets you climb to put together some ridiculous outfit brew,
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the home project that lasts longer than you expected (and only the regular maintenance of things), or
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The deadline of the work that is suddenly a high priority and requires that you drop everything else that you had planned for the week.
Sometimes the “something” is not even unexpected. We know that the mammogramy or visit to the orthodontist or the HVAC service visit. It is on the calendar!
But it is still something that takes away from the time that you would normally work or you would do “normal” weekly activities.
The further I come to this working mother, the more I learn that there really isn’t something like a normal week.
What is normal?
For me, and most working mothers I am talking, a normal week would be a week where you work your regular schedule with few surprises, your children go to childcare or school or be at the babysitter for the same hours, and in general your plan matches reality for the week.
The result is what you expected.
A “normal week” is predictable. There are no surprises and That Make sure we have the feeling.
But what most parents learn fairly quickly (or not so fast for some) is that those weeks, the normal, but little are in between.
I have a customer with a 6 -month -old baby and she is in it last month. From large unexpected house issues and finding back -up childcare, to going through developmental mile poles, teething problems and her husband who gets pretty ill, she starts to realize that there is Always.
She said recently, “I just didn’t expect it to be like that.”
I remember that I felt exactly the same way.
That is the problem with expectations.
We expect that parenthood simply fits into our existing life. Or we expect to have a normal week. If something comes up and our week feels abnormal, we will make it wrong. We assume that it is the out of bit.
Until we realize that they are more normal than a normal week, and then we begin to feel defeated:
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I didn’t think it would be that way.
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Or It shouldn’t be the case.
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And worse – What am I doing wrong?
I wonder if you would go back through your agenda in the past year, what would the data see?
Would it show that there were more predictable weeks where everything went according to plan than unpredictable?
Or would show the data that you were really flexible because most Weeks had “something”?
If the latter, would you be amazed how much you have achieved, even if you had more unpredictable, abnormal weeks than normal weeks? đź’Ş
What I want for you is to see those abnormal weeks as normal. To know that this is what we all experience and there is nothing that you do wrong.
To be able to flow with the things that make a little different every week instead of frustrated or annoyed by the constant changes.
So many people throw around the old saying “It is what it is.”
Of course, there is truth in that sense, but it is used so excessively that it has become a bit meaningless.
I prefer to acknowledge that this is not what I expected.
This is not the week I thought I would have.
My plans will have to change.
In the same way as we recognize the anger or sorrow or frustration of our children, we can recognize that a sick boy means that we have to take the day off. Whether that last-minute project deadline means that we have to postpone our other work for another week.
It can suck. After all, it probably means less time to do what we would “normally”. But we are able.
Able to be flexible and find a new solution.
And just like a messy house, a sign is that someone lives a full life there. A plan that does not go to the plan is just proof that your life is out of life.