Shame appears differently in our lives, but it can have the same harmful effect if we let shame define and dictate what we do in this life. Sometimes, as a single mother, I know firsthand that the impact of shame is playing on a single household.
However, it is our job to serve that shame and surrender to Jesus and to allow what He has done to the cross to “it is completed” in our lives to really transform into Christ.
What is shame?
Shame is the origin of shame and humiliation that comes from feeling the circumstance, decisions or behavior of a person are seen as uncomfortable, indecent and against what the person believes is good.
Shame is often seen when the reality or circumstance of a person does not correspond to his core values.
Personally, the shame I felt about the story of becoming a single mother, the bad choices, the emotional instability and impulsive behavior was so heavy. I saw no way of redemption or coming back from the place I was.
Too bad you will do that.
Here is a very useful article that I have found that puts shame in perspective: The psychology of shame
How did shame influence God’s children in the Bible?
Shame was found in the beginning. We can go back to Genesis with Adam and Eva. We all heard the story, but if you didn’t do that, I would encourage you to go back to the word and read Genesis 1-3.
Adam and Eva received specific instructions not to eat from the tree of good and evil. Instead of holding God’s Word as a law and truth, Eve allowed a snake to interrogate her in the garden and to let her doubt the weight of God’s wisdom.
This incorrectly aligned way of thinking led to a behavior that disobeded God and left himself and Adam in a place of fear, guilt and shame. But because they are closest to God than other children in history outside of Jesus, they chose to hide.
They allowed their shame to force them to mask themselves with leaves, in the hope that no one will see, although God, them and the beings of the earth were the only individuals there. Shame keeps you in slavery, hidden and exposed to people when God has already given you freedom.
Is a single mother embarrassing?
I want to kill this idea here and now. Being a single mother is “not embarrassing”. I repeat: being a single mother is “not embarrassing”.
Yes, it wasn’t the life you wanted.
Yes, you got looks, gossip and rated by people you didn’t know at all.
Yes, bad choices for yourself or decisions in men have led you to this season in your life.
Yes, you struggle from time to time financially, emotional, spiritual, mental and physical.
Yes, your husband died or left and you had no control over it.
Yes, your family members treat you as you disappoint them or do not even want to offer a helping hand.
Yet that does not define all of you or the season in which you are. The shame you feel is an emotion that is fired by lies and negative thoughts of the enemy we have allowed. Shame is a feeling to get you back on track, not deeper in debt.
The truth is that we are over only a few days before this year and I want you to participate in leaving every thought, feeling, faith, identity and behavior that came out of shame in 2024.
In the past three months I know that God has called us to get rid of the extra weight, throw you worries and record his yoke, which is easy.
You should never be ashamed because you are a single mother. Being a single mother is a season, not your identity. We get into trouble when we make something that is temporary, permanent; Limiting our vision, beliefs and goal to be so much more.
God has not focused on being single mothers. However, we serve a God who can use everything for his glory and for the well -being of those who love Him. Your single mother season is often a season of sophistication, growth, rebuilding and back in narrow fellowship with him; Not to harm you.
This is what I learn that all the things mentioned above have been my story since the day I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter.
The shame I wore revealed …
This will be one of the most vulnerable moments on my blog, but I know that this is necessary for my own healing, breakthrough and to prophesy for someone who may have to overcome the same level of shame during his own journey as a single mother.
Here is the shame:
God, I give you the shame I wear. I give you the many men I was looking for for validation and acceptance in any way necessary.
Lord, I give you all the sexual shame that I did with anyone. I give you the shame to get pregnant from the marriage and with a man who was still married.
Abba, father, I accept your love and redemption for someone like me who has had trouble becoming a mother and continuing to become a mother. I give you the shame of my low self -esteem, impatience, anger and moments of fear/depression that have led me to many bad choices and mistakes.
Jesus, I give you all these uncomfortable emotions that are accompanied by playing every moment in my life that do not match my core values and tunes to what I know that in your word is true.
I know that I have placed the shame in the right hands and that all the shame I have experienced will not be from this day. Holy Spirit, help me through this journey of freedom. In the Jesis name, Amen!
Despite my confession, I will still need help to live in this freedom in Christ every day. That is why studying and knowing the word is so important; Being focused in the biblical truths that will enable you to run free from shame and the authority that God gave you a long time ago.
Biblical truths to help you leave shame behind in 2024 single mothers
We know that everything that tries to put itself against the Word of God will not succeed. To overcome shame and get rid of it once and for all, the truth that has given us in the word has been given.
Below I share with your transforming truth from my own journey of overcoming shame this year and that will encourage you to leave the shame on the altar before 2025.
-
Shame is a tactic of the enemy and is used by God to divert you.
- In the Bible, shame is always associated with fools, the wicked and the pseudo powerful. Shame is often given to enemies and unwise. But when we claim or disconnect with God, even in the Bible, we associate it with humiliation and shame. People who are far from just life can often be numb to be ashamed. Finally, shame can be set to switch back to what you know you have to do. (Proverbs 3:35; 13: 5; 1 Corinthians 6: 5)
-
God’s original design contained no shame.
- In Genesis 2 you will find the line of Scripture that confirms that God made man and woman naked and there was no shame. So that tells you that the entrance of sin is when shame came to life and in the beginning it had no power. (Genesis 2:25)
-
- The shame that you may feel about your single mother trip can often come from interactions that you have had with others who had certain previously previous beliefs about you and your situation. The truth must always come with love and not strung in humiliation and relevation. When God speaks the truth, it is for your protection. (1 Corinthians 4:14)
-
We ourselves hurt ourselves to shame.
- If we experience shame, it is only supposed to be a temporary emotion that comes and goes. We often start to hold it as a way to hurt or cause unrest for those who have participated that they are standing in us. But we do not realize that the action of holding, keeps us in slavery and hurting ourselves more than the people we think we will hold responsible. (Jeremiah 7:19)
-
Before you ashamed, your eyes are often open to something that should never happen.
- In Genesis I am reminded that shame is a symptom of wrong alignment with what God desires, his will. However, it is a symptom that can be treated by the great doctor.
- We often think that God wanted us to go through these challenges and difficulties to be able to be who he created us. I don’t believe that. I believe that God sometimes uses our foolishness, but I don’t believe that God originally wanted us to suffer in the ways we have. Correct me if I am wrong, but that is my personal conviction.
- If I were to receive his orders, kept my eyes on him and first look for the kingdom, I believe that I would not be the single mother blogger that I am today. However, I know that God used what I gave him to bring me back to my goal to write, encourage and share the gospel in the way he meant. My circumstance led to my assignment to single mothers. God has lessons for us to learn on our journey and His wisdom will reach us, regardless of where we are. Let your eyes be opened, life diverted and God satisfied with you in close community.
All in all,
I have not written this message to continue about my personal beliefs. I wrote this message because I know that the damage that is shame is possible.
Now that I am 10 years after the start of the toughest shame, I can say that I will leave it this year and go completely in 2025.
I hope you participate and get rid of all the shame that you have weighed so far.